I ended up hurting a certain someone's friend. I wanted attention, wanted to feel comforted. I've never been noticed before and always felt invisible, especially since every has left me. But then they come in to my life and show me appreciation and that they care for me, not only that but all their friends too, they are so sweet and make me feel much less paranoid than I do around others. But then I cause one their friends to lose attention all because of me being greedy, which then caused them to be upset. I keep hurting people even when I tell myself not to, it makes me feel as if I'm lying to myself, telling myself that I want the best for everyone but then I end up hurting them. I am truly sorry for anything that I have done. I know I might not sound genuine because of all the bad things I've done, but I will try and make it up to you all, even though I know it's impossible. You all deserve better than me, especially for how much you have all done for me.

I had another mental breakdown as usual and ended up hurting myself again, but instead of going 'all out' I managed to calm myself thanks to a certain someone.

A certain someone has been helping me these past few days, they are incredibly kind and sweet. Without them I probably wouldn't be alive anymore... I relate to them so well and am able to express myself in ways that I couldn't with anyone else. I wish I could help them as much as they help me.

These SSRI's aren't doing anything, what's the point? I'm a liability who can't even socialise or work, yet people try and help. I'm always just putting on a face as if I'm fine, I want to end my misery so badly, I know nobody would even know im gone, and if anything they'd be happy with me gone...

They had me on one type of SSRI but it ended up doing more harm than good, so they switched me to another one and now i'm waiting for a psychic evaluation. I have to wait until half way through next year though...

Birthday today. Doing a whole lot of nothing since most of my friends have cut ties with me. Family members seem to have forgotten it as well so it'll be a pretty quiet day for me.

Ended up trying to commit suicide, somehow I'm still alive though. They have me on some tablets that make me feel really weird. Mostly I just feel nauseous and very delayed in the head.

I ended up staying in hospital for around 2-3 weeks I think, I can't remember very well. I feel a little better than before, I guess...

Been extremely sick, I have a chest infection and need antibiotics, but it requires a perscription. I'm refusing to visit the doctors for a perscription because it's $40 just for the appointment.

Feeling a lot better after falling over, my back still has a sharp pain in it though.

Fell over today and ended up knocking myself out on impact, I've been extremely disoriented since...

Mastered MKDD on RetroAchievements today, I wish they made another cup instead of making an all-tour cup. Still a really nostalgic game though and I really enjoyed replaying it.

Gamecube is now supported on RetroAchievements, time to grind MKDD.

Wuthering Waves came out today and I've been really enjoying it.

Played and mastered a game called Rabi Laby today. It's a really cute puzzle game, I really enjoyed playing it.

Finally got discharged from the hospital today, I'm feeling uneasy...

In hospital for doing stupid shit to myself.

Why do I keep doing the same thing to myself over and over again, I know that I'm getting caught up in my head, I know that what I'm hearing isn't real, yet I keep doing it. Why do people try and help me, I know I'm just a liability yet they keep trying to help.

Why am I taking all the small things to heart. I overthink and become anxious in every situation and end up feeling like shit. I put on a face like I'm fine, like I am not dying inside. I want to disappear so I can stop struggling so much.

Just got my first screen drawing tablet today. $600 though, I don't know if it was worth the cost. It definitely feels better than a normal drawing tablet, but for that price...

Played Diablo 4 for the first time today and it's been really fun. It doesn't live up to the fun of diablo 1/2 but I'm still really enjoying it.